The Books On My Shelf

After reading tonight, I sit here wondering why that wall of bookcases does not emit some electrical force.  For on those shelves, silently pulsating between inconspicuous covers,  great wisdom, insight, comfort, bewilderment, joy,  sorrow and every emotion known to man awaits.

When I pass my hand in front of the TV screen, there is a tingling feeling and an audible snapping sound. 

That is how I shall from now on think of my bookshelf...as a living force pulling me in.

Tonight I want to talk about this book: 

 

'10 Lifesaving Principles for Women in Difficult Marriages'

 by Karla Downing

thttp://www.changemyrelationship.com/contactKarlaDowning.html

Tonight before leaving the house, knowing I would have some reading time, I rushed to my den at the last minuet to grab a book on Personality Types.

 I was not able to find one quickly, but instead a small unassuming book caught my eye and remembering a conversation I had had with a friend weeks before, I grabbed a little book called  '10 Lifesaving Principles for Women in Difficult Marriages' by Karla Downing.

  I have been reading now for almost 2 hours, and I decided it was time to stop because I needed to breathe.

   Ms. Downing has found a way to walk into the home of hurting families, homes of broken women,  weeping children and bewildered husbands.  She has pulled back the elaborate drapes and raised the dusty broken venetian shades that have hidden this reality of thousands and thousands of families.   Neither wealth, nor fame, nor Faith have protected families from 'Difficult Marriage' and the devastating repercussions reaped by every member in that family.

   My husband and I and unfortunately, lived in such a relationship for many years and as I read Karla Downing's words it is a bittersweet experience. 

Sweet because:

•   here is hope for you weary, broken, dying sister of mine.
•   I am hearing someone finally, so simply explain what I believe is God's mind on marriage.
•   there is acceptance, and understanding of the unique difficulty Christian and other Religious   women face in difficult marriages and she has so wisely laid out a path that can be applied to each situation
•  there is understanding of where I have walked, where my husband has walked,where my dear children have walked. Understanding of where YOU are walking.
•   I am comforted to realize that someone knows that my goal and daily prayer through those years was to be a good, Godly wife.
•   How freeing to realize that someone knows why I did not appear to be.

Now the bitter:
Part of the bittersweet is loosing it's bite even as I write, but ... I am remembering the devastation  and hopelessness that overtook my whole being when, during those years, I went to a pastor for help for us and received chiding instead.  Yes,  chiding for...(yes, you guessed it)...not being submissive.

   But, I share that with thankfulness for the tremendous Grace of God, who reached around those experiences and healed Wayne and I...is healing us.

   I have longed to reach into the lives of other women with vials of that Grace which was poured out on us.

 That is why I have, and continue to study and practice Christian Life Coaching..
 That is why I try to write of uplifting yet ordinary ways to experience more joy in life.

 That is why I am pointing you to this book and the ministry of this woman...as a vial that, when opened, will pour Grace into your lives that thousands of my words may never accomplish.

   I have not met this lady Karla Downing, I do not know anything about her except what I have read online and understand from this little book, but because I believe my life purpose will be so much more quickly realized by pointing you to this book of hers, I happily recommend you purchase a copy and walk into life.

Charlene

Grace and Beauty

 

This week marks a year since a wonderful woman left this family.  Waynes Mom died last year.  This morning I found this letter I had written to her I think a year before that.  I post it today as a memorial to her,  to comfort myself, and her kids and to keep her memory and example alive in all of us who knew her, and also to spark interest in and an example of,  living in Strength and Beauty and Grace.

To my mom-in-law
I guess this is as good a time as any, maybe better, to share with you something I experienced when we were with you at the hospital;
First of all, I was surprised to learn that you are in pain with your back most of the time.  I didn't know that and I don't know how you could be silent on that point.  I usually feel the need to express my pain, I guess to provide an excuse for my shortcomings as a housekeeper or something like that.  I also learned that you had dealt with this abdominal pain in silence for almost too long.  I admire this about you, your strength and solidness.  (But please don't do it again :)  As you lay there in that hospital bed, never once did you complain about the bed.  I have lain in them myself and know that I would have been trying to get a better position; knees up, knees down, head up, feet up, fix the pillow, no fix it again.
But you just bore whatever discomfort with grace.  And that is what I want to say to you the most if I just knew how.  In your frailty, with all the years lived, the hardships and disappointments endured, the sadness's experienced, at this time in your life I saw beauty on your face.  I saw grace.  I saw the love and concern of your friends and family for you.  That is a result of a life lived well, unselfishly.  I just wanted to tell you that you are an inspiration to me to remember that when I look in the mirror and see age and wrinkles and gray, that those things do not matter.  I want to live life so that others will see in me what I saw in you as you lay there in the hospital bed; grace and beauty.

“Do not judge others, 
and
 you will not be judged.

 For you will be treated 
as 
you treat others.

The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.^"

Matthew 7:1-2

     <sup>She walked slowly toward the church, a smile brightening her face as she saw her friend waiting for her.  Coming to this meeting at a church she had never attended was an act of support, not something she was comfortable with.  In fact, she had told her friend Cora that if she wasn't going, neither might she. 
     Fran was disappointed as she approached the door, it was as she feared.  The music coming from within the church vibrated physically in her chest, and once they entered, the only way to hear each other was to actually put mouth to ear.  There were several others from their church group there and Fran cautiously settled in with them exchanging genuine greetings.  She had grown to really like these people and had started to trust them.  They had worshiped together and prayed together and shared many heart issues over the year or so that she had been meeting with them at a Home Church on Saturday evenings.  Tonight they were meeting at this church to support friends in this fellowship.
     Now, as the meeting started, and the pastor invited everyone to worship Jesus, repeating several times the invitation to abandon themselves in praise, not worrying about what each other might think, Fran got a little nervous.  With her Baptist upbringing, her only exposure to Rock music had been mostly by mistake and in short episodes in movies involving bar scenes.  Unfortunately, to her, when she closed her eyes, she felt like she was in that atmosphere.
     So, she opened her eyes and followed along with the unfamiliar words of these worship songs, wanting to be seen as one of those Praising God, not wanting to look like what she was, a fish out of water.  An old Baptist Lady in a charismatic worship service. 
     There came a time after two or three songs that seemed to her like fifteen, that she sat down.  She continued to pray, asking God to protect her from a closed mind, asking for The Holy Spirit to speak peace to her heart and give understanding of the situation. 
     She remembered how Sarah, one of the youngest members of the group had called her that week, gently insisting that she Fran come to this meeting because she felt God had impressed that on her heart.  Fran respected Sarah's  opinion, and had come mainly in response to that request.  As she sat there now, she stopped trying to fit in, and concentrated instead on meeting with God.  And, she admitted, thinking of the possible repercussions of leaving early.
     Well, she left early, and once the decision was made, she felt so relieved, that she had no sense of guilt, only the guilt of having none. 
     As days went by and her mind often returned to the experience,  she talked to God about it, and became aware of a few life lessons.
     She realized that God was still working on a request that she had made several years before when she became aware that others felt she had a judgmental attitude. This had been hurtful to Fran, because she had not thought that of herself.  It seemed to her that she was always standing up for the under-dog and the misunderstood. How could she be judgmental?
     Nevertheless, she was willing to leave that behind if it was true, and in months and years since then, had realized it was somewhat true of her. 

     And now, Fran realized that if she had not known the depth of spiritual maturity of her friends who danced to the 'rock' music that night in the strange church, if she had not heard at other times their quiet praise and expressed adoration for her Lord Jesus Christ, if she had not seen the 'fruit' in their lives, she would have judged them nonspiritual, perhaps unsaved.  Because of the way they chose to worship that night.
     As it was, she had to conclude that different people worship differently.  Is it possible, that young people who grew up hearing loud rock music are not offended by it and are able to utilize it guilt free in worship and praise?  Are those exposed to dance in one setting or another, able to utilize dance in their worship? 

This realization also released in her heart a bit of confidence that those of her friends who knew she left early would remember her quiet praise, her love for God, her heart for the lost and her Love of Jesus Christ.  And then, even their opinion of her seemed not to matter.</sup>

 ^{She suddenly saw  herself as an old wineskin hanging by the fire,}

 ^{wrinkled and dried out from the smoke of many fires,}

^{yet still functioning as a vessel of the Holy Spirit as Jesus had promised.} 

 ^{Still holding precious aged,  fragrant and tasteful wine.}  

 But something else came to her during those days.

     <sup>Just as she so strongly felt an abhorrence at the judgmental practice of so many 'churched' people to kick their young when they are down, and shun the unclean until they appear washed, she felt now strong desire to understand the kicker, understand the "shunner."
     She realized that she could no longer judge that person who sits in the seat during worship service, never showing emotion, never raising a hand in praise, and never speaking an Amen in agreement during prayer. 
     She knelt by her chair then, the moment she realized her sin and confessed.  Then, she rose in thankfulness for the wisdom and bravery of a young woman who had expressed her belief that this old woman...well, (a little old) should come to that service. 
     Without this understanding gained from that evening in a strange church with strange worship, she would not have learned this lesson.  Would not have realized she carried a judgmental attitude still.

And as I write, I am so aware that without this knowledge and understanding, without this forgiveness, I would not be able to go forth in what I believe is my ministry...to bring Christs healing, affection and unity among the women of God in churches wherever God leads.
Charlene</sup>
PS Worshiping happily as a slightly charismatic, slightly old Baptist